The Foundations for Lasting Love

I see and hear it all the time: many couples sail smoothly through their journey together when times are good, but the moment things get tough, they start fighting, ignoring each other, or looking for the exit. It's as if the challenging moments—the very times when we need each other most—become the signal to bail out rather than dig deeper. Why does this happen? After years of observing relationships, I've noticed three common beliefs that hold people back from getting the help they need. I don't know about you, but my parents had only received the informal training they got from their parents, who learned from my great-grandparents, and so on back through the generations. Some of that wisdom was valuable, but much of it was incomplete or even harmful.

In some ways, growing up in a household where conflict was swept under the rug can be as damaging as growing up where parents argued constantly. Why? Because disagreements are a natural by-product of relationships. Two people can't come together and create a life without some of their ideals, values, opinions, or day-to-day activities coming into conflict with each other. The question isn't whether conflict will arise—it's how the couple manages that conflict when it does.

So, what makes some relationships last longer than others? Is there some sort of magical recipe? Do some people just sit back and sulk while others let problems roll off their backs? It sure seems that way. Or maybe some people learn secrets of success from their grandparents, relatives, or friends that the rest of us missed.